Saying goodbye to your best friend 

I honestly didn't think I'd be writing this post so soon. Last Friday my mum rang me with devastating news; they had no other option but to put our beloved family dog, Phoebe down.

We honestly thought she was doing great. In late August she started banging into walls and drinking so much more water that it began to worry my parents. They took her to the vet and that's when they found out that she had diabetes and is going blind. It was a shock to us at the start, but she got her daily dose of insulin every morning and things started to progress.

I flew home in late October as we found out that her liver was expanding so wanted to be with her while she was going through this difficult time. Time passed and she was doing great. Don't get me wrong: she couldn't see but she was full of life and had so much energy you could never tell there's something wrong with her.

The next time I got to see her was Christmas. During that time she seemed fine; yes she did have down days where she would sleep a lot throughout the day and refuse to eat but overall she was a healthy dog.

I flew back to England on the 4th of January and just a couple of days later my mum rang me saying there's something wrong with Phoebe. I found it hard to believe because I was just home and saw how amazing she's doing.

Last Thursday (16th) I face-timed my mum as it was her birthday, and it was evident that Phoebe needed more attention than usual. She followed my mum EVERYWHERE. I mean it wasn't unusual for her to do so, but when my mum told her to go lie down she refused to do so and started poking my mum with her nose. We didn't think much of it then.

On Friday, I was staying at Jake's for the weekend when suddenly I got an unexpected phone call. It was my mum. She was crying through the phone and I couldn't understand a word she was saying. After she calmed down she told me that Phoebe wasn't doing great and that they have to take her to the vet today but she had this tone in her voice that made me unsure as to what's going to happen.

A couple of hours passed when I finally got another phone call. The phone call. I picked up and the first thing my mum said was 'I have bad news." She didn't have to say anything else. At that point I knew Phoebe wasn't coming home with them.

Phoebe was so strong, yet at the end her insides started to give up and she was internally bleeding. The vet said that if they haven't had brought her to the vet that day, she could have died in her sleep. She must have been in pain for a couple of days before which is why she followed my mum around; seeking for comfort. My dad told me she didn't even hesitate to go to the vets; I'm not surprised. She could barely walk that day and she was probably ready to go.

The pain is unbearable though. The fact that I wasn't there with her; that I didn't get to say goodbye. She was only 10.

I feel like it hasn't hit me as much as the rest of my family since I'm not home. I didn't get to see her going through all that pain, and I wasn't there to clean up her stuff when they returned from the vet but it still hurts. Knowing that she won't be there when I come home for Easter and that everything is gone. I know it'll hurt again when I go home. Everything will be odd as she won't be there anymore.

I've cried enough over the last week, but writing this post has been emotional. I feel like I just needed to write this. Not for attention but to close a chapter and move on.